2009-05-19T06:59:00.000-07:00

so near yet so far,

would you pick me up when i fall?
-
you used to be the first,
but you decided to slow down and now you're the last.
i feel distant.

2009-05-18T06:35:00.000-07:00

why can't i have a break when i want to?i thought i heard you sigh and call my name, but i choose to believe my ears deceived me, i know you wouldn't, when i turn back, i saw nothing.
there's only 2 people who'd know me.
that'd be God and myself.
i spend 17 hours everyday in school, school work and sleep.
7 hours to relieve my stress.
you won't understand me within such short hours everyday.
you think you know me well?
you're wrong.
i just try my best to behave the way you want me to.
no matter how hard i try,
why can't you just appreciate it for once.
you don't know how stressed i feel,
you're of a different generation.
and the purpose of my life is not succeeding in things you failed in,
or continuing the your successes.
i don't care about your interests,
i don't want to try to understand either.
if i said playing pool is stupid,
it's just taking a stupid stick to hit balls into holes,
or that collecting precious moment figurines is stupid,
it's just clay shaped into cartoon and painted.
would you be happy?
you'd go like i don't see the art in them.
same goes for my interests.
i don't think korean language is barbaric,
and i don't think being a musician is a disgrace.
i see art in korean drama, are you not satisfied.
you don't see art in it, neither do you appreciate it.
drama is a form of art.
also, music is art.
you don't see it, that's your problem.
it's the same.
i'm not your duplicate, my job is not to be you.
you always see things from the outside and assume without reasoning.
when you see me cry,
have you thought of why.
when you see me not answering you,
have you thought of why.
isn't that what people are best at?
assumptions without using a bit brain to just think about the reasons for happening?
i try to understand,
i know you'd get stress over life too.
have you ever thought of how i feel?
why don't you try putting yourself in my shoes.
being ignored everytime, everywhere.
when i die,
i bet you'd drink your best wine and vodka,
celebrating.
i bet no one would go to the funeral.
it's like i don't exist,
when i die,
no one is going to care.
do you know why i use the computer?
so i don't need to suffer from all this stress,
it's a time for me to relieve it,
it's because my friends are not with me at home,
but they can go online and i can talk to them.
when i'm ignored at home.
you think i don't know i'm ignorant?
i'm aware of that, just that i refuse to care.
can't i?
why can't you be proud of me? even once?
getting a b for english makes me feel happy,
cos i failed previously.
you're not with me 24/7.
you know how i behave somewhere else?
i don't express my feelings out.
i write/type it out.
i just behave the way people want me to.
i have no rights,
i'm not suppose to make my stands clear,
cos it worsens everything.
is it because it's a pain to see me cry,
or is it because seeing me cry in public will spoil your reputation.
i don't understand.
if i cry, why can't you offer me paper napkins to dry my tears?
you just glare and gab.
gabbing is a pain then why put yourself in pain?
why are you doing something that is a lose-lose situation.
you don't know my frustrations.
you don't know me,
neither do i see you trying your best to.
i make sure if one day i ever commit suicide,
you people would be the ones who'd weep
and finally realise my side of the story,
cos you don't.
and the you, obviously means many people,
but i chose to use some people for examples,
they just proved to me their good ones.

2009-05-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

a break that would be long enough,
yet it may take forever.

when,